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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Blackrose's LiveJournal:

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Monday, July 14th, 2003
11:13 am
I don't know if i should be happy or sad.. i'm so confused... i really don't know how to feel anymore... I don't know why im still affected... why my heart beats so fast when i hear his voice... i could actually heart it thumping... i know i shouldn't be feeling this way... it's not fair... not fair for the other one... But i can't help it... why am i feeling this way... i want my heart to stop feeling this way... but i can't hide from the truth that my stupid heart still longs for him. ='( what should I do??? I know i'm not dumb ... but how come i can't think straight when it comes to this...?!@#$! I should even be thinking of more important things.. and he shouldn't be one 'em! Grrrr if only i could stop my heart from feeling this way... ='(

Current Mood: confused
Monday, June 16th, 2003
11:55 pm
slipping by
time slips by quickly
like the sand through my hands
i wonder how'd i feel if i were the sand
slipping by through your hands

i wish i was the air
so i could carress you with my tender touch
no need for words, no need for such...
Saturday, May 31st, 2003
12:24 am
the void...
i wonder if there's such thing as perfect happiness, completeness, fulfillment...? when can the void deep within be filled in... i feel the sadness in my heart, creeping through my soul... devoid of happiness, devoid of love...

Current Mood: crushed
Wednesday, May 28th, 2003
2:53 am
I've been thinking how life can be so mysterious and at the same time predictable... do we live to eat, drink, sleep or do we eat, drink , sleep to live ... we work so hard each day... but when we come to think about it, for what... ? the human spririt tends to search for a deeper meaning... to seek for the truth ... the reason for existence ... why do we get hurt ... why do people affect people... why do we seek wealth, power and fame ...? so many questions ... with fabricated answers ... when we live a good life... what does that actually mean? what is the definition of having lived a good life? a life lived to the fullest...? i try to understand the logic of living... but i can't seem to grasp the answer that would fully satisfy my soul... i still feel the emptiness ... the void that's been there for ages... where do we find completeness? perhaps somewhere beyond.... from someone beyond.

Current Mood: contemplative
Tuesday, May 27th, 2003
5:13 am
it's been almost a year and i just don't know until when this would go on... the feeling of wanting to be totally free... as much as i wanted to be ... but i can't ... my heart won't... i don't know why... the pain is terribly agonizing...
Monday, September 16th, 2002
3:05 pm
The truth shall set you free ... but i don't even know what's true anymore ...
what's real ... i'm chained ... i feel lost, disoriented ... somehow i feel like hanging
on a thin branch of a tree from a high rocky cliff. i'm tired and the only thing that's keeping me here, is God, the only truth left, the only strength i have ... the only thing that's keeping me from the threshold of sweet death. oh death, how welcoming your hands are ... so sweet is your breath ... so comforting your thoughts ...
and i wish you'd take me now. but it's not yet time ... it's not right ... and there are still a million things i need to do. sometimes i wish that i could just disappear ... not a trace left ... but it's wrong and somehow the harshness of the world gives you a reason to just hang on and find reasons to breathe in another day and then another ...

Current Mood: crushed
Wednesday, September 4th, 2002
10:48 am
how to deal with hypersensitive people =)
The HEART RULE: Have feelings, but don't let them lead - by: William J. Diehm
Sometimes we encounter people who are super sensitive... one word could easily piss them off
often times they easily get hurt through even the slightest things and boy could
that be a tough problem speciall if the person you're dealing with is a friend or a loved one. Hypersensitive people tend to strive for attention, acceptance and love more than the average person so it's better to give 'em the attention they need. According to the book i've read, these kind of people get love through reverse psychology, instead of doing something for positive approval, they'll do something to get a negative reaction. The secret is to give them attention and love before they ask for it.
Fight fire with water, not fire with fire. A gentle word could ease a burning heart.

Current Mood: indescribable
Wednesday, July 31st, 2002
1:10 pm
When can you say that you really love the person? what's the difference between
loving someone and being in love with him?
When you love someone, you accept him as he is. You don't go saying things that would
deliberately make him upset or hurt him. You would always be there for him no matter what.

When you're IN LOVE ... you get this strange feeling of having been with the person for eons
of time although you've just known him for a couple of weeks... you go gaga eveytime you
hear songs you've sang together. The thought of being with him literally gives you butterflies in your stomach. You can't just simply erase him from your brain ... the memory
of kissing him seems like a tape recorder ... it plays in your head over and over again.
Although you're completely different from each other ... it's when you really hate the Carpenters' songs, but when he sings one of 'em, you just can't resist singing it with him.
He's not overly handsome and your friends would ask you, what the hell did you see in him???
and you just can't rationalize why you feel this intense feeling for him.
He's not a perfect romantic gentleman that you idealized in a guy since you were 7, but everytime you're with him, it seems like the whole world stops turning and your heart beat skips a beat. You just can't simply get him off your system no matter how HARD you try. Like a ghost, he haunts you day and night. He's harsh and cruel. He made you cry 12 barrels of tears and yet you still long to be in his arms. Obsession? LOVE? Get a grip girl. You've never done this in your ENTIRE LIFE!!! So much is happening in your life and the last thing you need is a man who'll just hurt you. He has shot you with a bow and arrow
straight into your heart, pierced you with his harshness and yet you still love him???
Monday, June 3rd, 2002
6:48 pm
Why does a relationship die? Is it because love flew out of the window?
Is there such a thing as falling out of love or is it because two people
have forgotten the reason why they're together in the first place....
Does a person change or is it the other person trying to change the latter...
Isn't it weird why two people who've been deliriously in love then the magical
balloon of love or whatever you call it, suddenly bursts. Imagine lover A
kissing lover b, then all of a sudden they totally become strangers; they turn
cold as ice and hard as diamonds... i just don't get it... why does it have to
work this way...
Friday, May 24th, 2002
8:06 pm
i wish i could turn back time ;(
Sunday, October 28th, 2001
12:03 pm
Time does fly swiftly. It's been a year now since that
very special night. =) They say that once in your life
you meet the person that was made for you but some people
don't seem to realize this. That's why they let that once
in a life time oppurtunity pass their way. If you're lucky
then you'll end up with that right person. I hope i am =)

Current Mood: enthralled
Friday, April 6th, 2001
8:29 am
kinda busy with the enrolment fever right now. summer class starts
on the 16th. i've got one more week to relax then i'm off to bury my
nose in those accounting books again ... tsk tsk ...

Current Mood: artistic
Monday, April 2nd, 2001
7:12 pm
Eucel, my dorm mate, Stan my ever gorgeous bf, and I watched Hannibal at Stan's house. Lunch was
really great c/o Mrs. Winifreda Abellana, stan's mom. THen we had halo-halo at Ice Castle and played Snakes and Ladders, i won the game of course heheh. Finally i had ngohiong for dinner =) It's been a great day indeed!!! =)

Current Mood: ecstatic
Friday, March 9th, 2001
9:05 am
God is sooo GOOOOD! I can attest to that =)
Things are working out so well for me lately... it's like luck has sided with me again...
Thanx to the BIG Boss as always ... heheh

Current Mood: energetic
Thursday, March 8th, 2001
9:05 am
keep rollin rollin rollin keep rollin rollin rollin ... now breathe in breathe out ...

Current Mood: giddy
Tuesday, March 6th, 2001
9:52 am
"Life is Beautiful" this happens to be a title of an inspirational movie shown the other year.
Indeed life is beautiful. I love my life ... This happens to be the biggest gift i've received from the Big boss =) ALthough sometimes life can be so full of shit, it's just a matter of attitude... it's how you deal with it ... it's how you perceive things and act upon it. i enjoy being alive... the excitement that a new day brings ... the thrills of getting hurt, the joys and sorrows of being in love etcetera etcetera...

Current Mood: crazy
Saturday, March 3rd, 2001
5:43 am
i can already smell the hot breeze of summer ...
and this summer's gonna be the start of something new ... new room, new room mate, new work, new stuffs to buy etcetera etcetera ... i could feel that im indeed growing older ... i know that these changes are inevitable, i can never run away from them nor can i avoid making big decisions , decisions that could bring a BIG difference in my life. although sometimes it gives me the creeps still i think it's a big part of being a grown up.
thinking of the future gives me a surge of mixed emotions
it's scary to think that soon i'll be off to a foreign land, a place where im a total stranger. new friends to meet and not to mention that i've got to find a good job too. it also makes me real sad ... that i'll be leaving a lot of very special people behind.. people who've grown very close to my heart. =(

Current Mood: high
Thursday, March 1st, 2001
8:59 am
the art of making love is perfected when the soul is free ...

Current Mood: ecstatic
Tuesday, February 27th, 2001
8:56 am
it's a new world =)

Current Mood: bouncy
Tuesday, February 20th, 2001
10:15 am
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Phil. 4:13

Current Mood: determined
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